Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
