We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
