Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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