I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
