you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
