That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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