awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
