so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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