Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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