i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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