ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
