Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
