I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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