My sheets look like a crime scene.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
