my sisters under your porch take her home
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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