how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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