My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
