You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
