It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
