Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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