i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
