This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
