and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
