i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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