is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
