The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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