then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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