its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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