things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
