Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
