At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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