your room smells of hookers.
And success
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
