i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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