do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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