im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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