the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
