No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
