Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
