He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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