official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
