32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
