i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
