Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
