Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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