I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
