Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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