Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
