I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You pole danced in your parka.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
