i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
