I am in a vortex of obligation.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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