Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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