Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
